Being Black in America is Exhausting

I know I'm not the only one.

The number of police and race related deaths are taking their toll. I was devastated when Aiyana Stanley-Jones was murdered by police in MY city back in 2010. By the time that nine churchgoers were murdered at the hands of a white domestic terrorist (call it what it is), I was nearly defeated. 

Symptoms of being conscious:

• Quick temper
• Trouble sleeping
• Heightened sense of awareness around police officers
• More critical views of news reports
• Chest pains
• Anxiety
• Spiritual numbness

The attack in Charleston is not a mental health issue, because the terrorist's acts were very deliberate. Because the murderer is not mentally ill, it can't be attributed to poor gun control. This is a racism issue. The killer said it, and I'm saying it now.

Some people may forgive the actions of our murderers, but I don't. It isn't my job to forgive them. I'm not going to advocate violence, but I also won't judge people for their reactions. We all process grief differently. 

I'm just going to leave this right here.

At this point, I feel like I've seen and heard it all, so I don't cry about it anymore. I pray a lot more for peace of mind because it is times like these that we must cling to our faith and not lose sight of the bigger picture. I know I might be contradicting myself, but that's because I feel conflicted. 

I can't pray to regain my ignorance from the things we as a community have borne witness to. Interestingly enough, I don't want to. Being a black person in America is one of the most stressful circumstances for a person to be born in, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'd rather be concerned and working to help than simply sitting by and waiting for change to come.