Why "Nice Guys" Finish Last

There are two types of "nice guys". The first is the traditional one we all know and love (we're rooting for you!) and the second is the one that makes everyone incredibly uncomfortable at best and scared for their safety at worst. This post is mostly about the second kind of "nice guy". AJ Peters was nice enough to help me explain from the male perspective (thanks fam)!

1. You're not actually nice.

Arielle: If you're only nice to a few people, you're only nice to get something you want, or you're nice because you want people to like you, then you're being fake. Authenticity is key, y'all. People aren't that stupid. Nobody wants to deal with a person who isn't genuine.

2. You're boring.

Always a Steve Urkel, never a Stefan Urquelle...
AJ: Boring nice guys are very interested in topics that most people might find to be geeky or lame, and they may not have very good conversational skills.They might not be very involved in social activities like partying and drinking.  Lastly, nice guys tend to lack confidence. When a woman sends signs to take more of a leadership role in their relationship, it doesn't register, and she gets bored waiting for him and moves on.

Arielle: You don't wanna go nowhere, don't wanna do nothin', don't have anything to talk about and I'd rather be asleep. You're boring!!!

3. Your approach is off.
Body language is everything, and if you're confused, don't be afraid to ask her what she wants!
Arielle: Most women are already slightly uncomfortable when a strange man comes into their presence. We've all been harassed since childhood, and I don't think a lot of men know this. Your dads, uncles, and older cousins and brothers have been targeting us for years, and quite frankly, we're sick of it. By now you should know that corny pickup lines don't work, and if we look like we want you to leave us alone, it's not a joke - we really don't want you. This brings us to number 4...

4. You hate hearing "no".

Arielle: We understand, nobody likes rejection! HOWEVER if you can't take it like a champ, it's best for everyone if you just don't ask anyone out, ask for their phone number, ask what kind of panties they have on....you see where I'm going with this? You're not entitled to anything or anyone "nice guy". Take that L and try again with someone else, fool!

Forget those "nice guys", let's focus on the real ones!

AJ: I have a lot of life experience [as a nice guy] and nice guys finish last, especially in high school. But the key as a nice guy is to figure out how to overcome your obstacles. For me, it was becoming extremely confident. Slowly I stopped being a "nice guy"; now I'm more of a guy. People take advantage of the nice guy because they know he will always be there. Also, being a nice guy just isn't any fun.

Arielle: I know a lot of nice guys who lacked confidence, but now they're pretty cool. Before they couldn't get girls, and now they choose not to. Genuine nice guys know that girls don't always want to settle down with them, and that's okay. Nice guys might finish last, but they also finish the best because they know what they have to offer and are secure enough to just chill.

Do you know a "nice guy"? What other kinds of advice could we give to them? Did AJ and I leave anything out? Let us know!

About the Co-author

AJ Peters is a GRADUATING fourth year, five year MBA student at Hampton University from Schaumburg, Illinois. Follow AJ on IG.

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